


Quit Telling People I'm Dead

by PeachGO3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 02:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19781452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: The friendly neighborhood spider needs someone who looks after him, thinks Deadpool. AKA who was the person Beck was married to? – Set on the rooftop where Mysterio and Peter have been talking in Far From Home.





	Quit Telling People I'm Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I finally saw FFH. And I was shook when Mysterio was actually bonding with Peter in such a sweet way, it totally took me off-guard. Now, what if there was, in some alternate universe, a Mysterio who’s in fact good? What if Mysterio/Deadpool had actual #married Gyllenhaal/Reynolds energy?? Let’s discuss.

“I’m just telling you that we actually had a nice conversation here.”

“Yeah, you were bonding about that superhero game, sure, sure.”

“Don’t mock me!”

“I’m not mocking you, it’s literally the thing you just told me you were talking about!”

Peter steps back in confusion. Beck and that other guy, who just jumped out of a helicopter, have been bickering for a solid minute by now, and Peter still doesn’t know who the guy in red is. From what he’s heard so far, they must’ve fought together several times already. Was he a superhero as well?

“Erm, excuse me,” Peter decides to say, raising a careful hand. “Do you guys know each other?”

The guy in red turns, and the white eyes on his suit widen. “Spidey,” he says in shock, “you’re still here?”

“I am,” Peter utters. It’s irritating that this guy’s get-up almost looks exactly like his own suit. “Spidey,” he repeats, this time in what sounds like awe, and steps closer to shake his hand. “I’m such a fan,” he weeps, and Peter can see Beck rolling his eyes as he fumbles with his wedding ring.

“Are you guys…?” Peter begins (as Red still furiously shakes his hand), and Beck sighs, “Yeah. That’s my presumed-dead husband.”

Peter almost wheezes. “Your-”

“I thought I lost you,” Beck calls, and there’s serious disappointment in his voice when Red doesn’t turn to him. “I thought the fire had killed you for good!”

Red finally gives him a look. “Quit telling people I’m dead,” he says simply. Beck reacts with a sad huff.

“So,” Red says to Peter in a totally different voice, but Beck doesn’t give up: “Who do you think you are? Just appearing here out of nowhere?” he calls on the verge of tears and steps closer to point a finger at Red. Peter feels terribly misplaced between the two.

“Yeah, I know, it would be cooler if I popped up and joined you mid-battle with some really badass superhero entrance, but that’s not how interdimensional travel and airspace control work, dumbass!” he replies.

“Do you two want to talk al-”

“No, Spidey, don’t be silly,” Red says (but Beck has addressed him differently… what was it? Jade? God, he’s just so bad with names), “I wanna talk to you about so many things. Like, did you know that this guy” – he points to his visibly tired husband with a thumb – “was supposed to actually play Spider-Man back in the day? If it hadn’t been for Tobey ‘With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility’ Maguire healing so quickly, he would’ve been Spidey! You, so to speak. Crazy, right?”

“I have no idea about anything you just said,” Peter dares to admit, and Beck intervenes with a sigh and says, “Look, Wade, I know you’re a fan, but just let him be. He’s got other problems right now.”

Wade, ah, yes. Wade turns to Peter with widened white eyes. “Ahh, yes, I remember. Endgame. That’s tough, being the follow-up movie. My condolences.”

“Movie?” Peter asks in irritation. Now that’s just rude.

“Let him be,” Beck sighs again, but Wade doesn’t move. He even pats Peter’s shoulders now. “I’m not going anywhere. This kid needs a new Superhero Dad,” he says with great pathos in his voice. Peter has a hard time telling whether he’s being sarcastic or not. Or what to make of his nonsense at all. “I don’t need a dad, thank you very much,” he replies and tosses away the hand Wade has been resting on his shoulder, to which Wade answers with a gasp.

“You need a Superhero Dad! Your arc’s not finished yet,” he pants, and Beck looks down in embarrassment.

“I’ve got plenty of amazing people who look after me, thank you,” Peter says with finality. “Who?” Wade asks. “Who’s going to look after you? Baker Street Wizard Benedict Cabbagepatch? I don’t think so. Supreme Family my ass. Dude’s far too busy finding universes to share with that hobbit guy.”

“Please stop,” Beck groans in agony, eyes still closed. “What makes you think you could be his foster-father?”

“Oh, hell, not me,” Wade says with hesitation. “I’m unqualified. Was thinking about you. You guys were bonding already, you’re almost there.”

Peter swallows. Yes, Beck has become a friend. His only superhero friend as of now. Shuri is off in Wakanda and Mr. Stark… He looks away, onto the shining city. Does he need someone else? Does he want someone else? No one could ever replace Mr. Stark, that’s for sure. But he’s enjoyed his talks with Beck. He’s supportive, understanding and a teacher. Like a dad. Supposedly.

Peter comes back to reality when he hears the sound of a smooch. Beck and his husband have stepped back a little, into the shadow of a statue. Beck was pulling Wade’s red mask back onto his face. “The kid’s been looking,” Wade whispers, hands resting on his husband’s hips, and Beck suddenly smiles so brightly that Peter really feels he should get lost now.

“Peter,” Beck calls out of nowhere, voice sounding of smiles, “what do you want?”

Peter falters. “You mean… err…” he says, eloquently.

“Whether or not we should be our own Super Family. Or Supreme Family. Or whatever, I’ll think of a name,” Wade says helpfully. “I mean, not me, primarily,” he adds in a haste, “just Quentin and you. Or so. Mysterious Family. No, that’s a garbage hashtag. I’ll think of something, believe me.”

Peter nods in irritation and says, “I want to save my friends. And this planet, if that’s possible.”

“It is,” Beck grins.

“And I want as much help as I can get,” Peter concludes. He feels a certain graveness sink into his bones, but it’s destroyed right away when he says, “So, err, Mr. Wade. Erm, Mr. Beck, I mean-”

“Wade Wilson,” Beck snickers, “this devil’s name is Wade Wilson.”

His husband turns to him in shock. “Really? That was a perfect opportunity right there to say my superhero name!” he complains.

“So you are a superhero,” Peter says.

“A terrible superhero,” Beck jokes and pushes his husband away.

“I’m the greatest fucking superhero alive, I thought my fancy suit gave that away?” Wade defends himself. “Logan can eat my dust. And you can too, sunshine, because you look an awful look like Green Lantern with all that… _green_ , and it really distracts me. And what are those eyes and triangles, the effin’ remains of Billy Cipher? Gosh, I’ve never looked up close until now.”

“Right,” Peter says. Silence follows.

“Let’s go to work then,” Beck says, “I guess.”

“Wait!” Wade intervenes. He grabs Beck’s body underneath the cape. “We’re in a fanfiction, I’m sure there’s time for great reunion sex before the great battle,” he says blissfully. ‘I’ll be on my way,’ Peter mouths to Beck, who now gets bent over by Wade Wilson. He jumps from the building onto the street. What was that guy’s superhero name now? He still doesn’t know. He also doesn’t know about his power or abilities. Is he a sorcerer like Beck? Probably not. He did carry some swords however.

“I won’t use those,” Wade’s voice calls from the roof, making Peter flinch, “because this movie isn’t rated R. But you can count on me for qualified meta comments and cool martial arts.”

“He’s joking,” calls Beck, but he sounds like he’s being cut off with a kiss. Peter still hears them laugh and snicker as he walks the street to meet the others. Wow. Mind-reading powers? Sick.

(“Look, I’m just saying this could’ve been at least rated M. If not E.”

“Why do you always want the last word?”

“I don’t!”)

(“You see what I did there? I did have the last word.”

“I noticed, yeah.”

“Cool. That’s what counts for me.”)

(“I am so glad he’s underage in this movie, or else we would’ve had an OT3 right away. Maybe with Peter B Parker instead? Jesus, I’m calling it now, New Universe. Don’t look at me like that, honey.”

“I will probably look at you like this for as long as I live.”

“Jokes on you, that won’t be long!”)

(“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Look at me.”)

(“Fine! You don’t wanna talk, and neither do I! Stupid Fishbowl Lantern Sorcerer.”)

(“…Okay, that was really mean. I didn’t mean it. I apologize.”

“Good. ‘cause I like the fishbowl.”

“So do I, actually. Apology accepted?”

“Yes, apology accepted.”

“Swell!”

“Cool. High-five.”

“More like high-pinky.”)


End file.
